I had a baby 8 months ago. Well, almost 8 months ago. During my pregnancy I gained just over 40 pounds. Within a week of delivering my precious 8 lb, 5 oz. bundle I had lost about 12 of those pounds. And then...nothing. I worked out every day. No change. I counted the Weight Watchers (nursing) Points. Nada. Over Christmas and New Years I didn't work out and ate my weight in cookies and lefse. The number on the scale stayed the same. At this point I realized it made no difference what I did, the weight wasn't coming off.
"You'll lose it when you're nursing," is a lie. At least for me, it's a lie. At first, as I came to the realization that as long as I was nursing the weight was going to stay, I was upset. I wanted my body back. Not this jiggly balloon version of my body, but the sleeker, firmer version that fit into my jeans. But, I made the decision to nurse until my baby was six months old and then... I realized the freedom that came with that choice. I could eat. I could eat whatever I wanted and it made no difference! Pregnancy had been a free-for-all for me and now I had bought myself a few more months. And once I stopped worrying about it and stopped weighing myself everyday, something amazing started to happen. I stopped hating my body.
Never in my post-puberty life had I not hated my body. Even at my thinnest I had lists of things I would change if I could and I always, always, always had more weight I thought I could lose. But once I realized I couldn't nurse and lose weight, I guess I let go of all the hate. I started thinking about how amazing it was that this body, my body, was feeding my baby. It's really quite miraculous. And as I marveled at that, I began to not just not hate my body, but actually think this ol' bod wasn't so bad. It carried and nursed (for varying lengths of time) three babies. And then, even more amazing, really, is how it's somehow able to keep up with all of them each crazy, hectic day. All that stretching, pulling, pushing, tugging, hefting, bending over, picking up, it's no wonder there's a bit of wear and tear.
Don't get me wrong, I'm done nursing now and I'm all about getting myself back in shape. And that hate has started to creep back in. My well-meaning husband hid the scale so I can't weigh myself everyday. Because I don't know how much I weigh I had started allowing myself to feel better about my body. On the other hand, I tried on my jeans and realized that I still have a loooong way to go. I got up early every morning for a week and did pilates. Feeling better. But when I measured my thigh I had only lost 1/4 of an inch. Hate hate hate.
So, the lesson that I've learned is the more I know about sizes, inches and numbers on scales, the more unhappy I am no matter the progress I have made. But when I don't know my body's stats, I'm able to focus on eating healthy and enjoying my workouts. I've spent so much of my life worried about my weight, but I guess ignorance really is bliss.
Right on! I used to be consumed about my body, my weight....when I turned 35, I had a whole new outlook. I'm getting older, I'm not suppose to look 20...and I will be a monkey's uncle if I worry about this body one more minute! Honestly, I haven't cared now for almost 7 years...what freedom! Now a huge pet peeve of mine is if someone is talking to me about losing weight and honestly, they look healthy...I just want to say: "Get over yourself! Give me and the women around you a stinkin break!!" :)
ReplyDeleteBesides, my husband likes a little junk in the truck, and a little flab to grab!
You are Awesome!
You hit the nail on the head with how we can feel better about ourselves. Focus on what your body can do, not what it weighs or what it looks like. Even if your body is no longer being used to nurse a child, your body has the strength to lift those children up, the power to walk 60 miles for Breast Cancer, the capacity to swim and run and dance and sing, the ability to climb stairs, push strollers, etc. etc. etc. It's amazing what focusing on what your body can do changes your whole perspective on things...
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