Conflicted

Last night, as we were getting into bed, my husband looked at his blackberry and gasped.  "Bin Laden is dead," he said.  We came downstairs and turned on the television, waiting for President Obama to officially make the announcement.  The moment he did, fireworks went off in our neighborhood and Facebook exploded with jubulation and cheers.  This morning's headlines declared "We Got Him" and "Rot in Hell."

But I'm having a hard time being happy.

Don't get me wrong, I feel immense relief that the United States is a huge step closer to bringing home our troops and the world is a safer place because of Bin Laden's death.  I do not disagree with the decision our president made in sending those Navy Seals in to that Pakistani compound.  I am grateful everyday for the troops who put their lives in danger to save mine.  There is no other good way this could have ended.  This is for the best.  His death was necessary to our nation's freedom and the world's safety.

After we got into bed for the second time last night, I laid there wondering why I wasn't feeling that elation.  All morning, as I listened to more reports and saw more Facebook statuses rejoicing, I struggled with my conflicting emotions.  And then I saw my brother's status.

"I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live." Ezekiel 33:11

This Bible verse says exactly what my heart is feeling.  While I do rejoice in the step towards ending terrorism and the victory for our country, I feel sadness that the only positive outcome was in taking a life.  I believe, truly believe, that Osama Bin Laden was evil.  I believe that capturing him alive would not have stopped him from spreading that evil to others and that his death was the only way to end it.  But I also believe that his was a life created by God, and I believe that Jesus would not be shooting off fireworks or shouting for joy at the loss of Bin Laden's soul.

I realize that what sounds like celebrating a death is really a celebration for the relief that particular death has brought the world over.  And I realize that our country uniting is a good thing.  I have not forgotten what Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda did to us.  Sitting in my classroom, watching a room full of 8th graders as they watched the World Trade Center come crashing down is forever burned into my memory.  I tear up every time I hear the Darryl Worely song Have You Forgotten.  I am proud to be an American.  But I'm foremost a Christian.  And as such, my heart breaks that it ever needed to come to this in the first place.