Baby Talk

My baby started crawling today. This makes me sad for several reasons. Of course there's the obvious reasons, she's getting bigger, growing so fast...blah blah blah. But it also means she's going to be getting into everything!

I've had it pretty easy these last couple of years. Both of my older two are well past the baby gate stage, know the rules of the house and the consequences for breaking them. They can play out in the backyard without my having to watch them every minute. We haven't had any episodes of drawing on the wall in ages. But this past week, as I watched Lily get closer and closer to coordinating her chubby little arms and legs, I saw my future.

When Wade and I were in discussion as to whether we should have another baby or not, one of the arguments in his con list was the "step backwards" to sleepless nights, baby gates, and diapers. My counter point was that in the grand scheme of someone's life that couple of years is such a small part of it. "Don't let that be the reason we don't have another baby."

I'm the oldest of three. At one point, after meeting my brother and sister for the first time, Wade said he wanted to have three kids. He liked the dynamic that we had. At that time I thought he was nuts. But then, as we started our family, I started thinking that two wasn't enough for me. After having both Sophie and Max, I felt quite strongly that I wanted to be pregnant again, that I wanted to nurse one more baby. But Wade was happy with what (who) we had. Every time I mentioned having another baby, his response was that babies grow up into kids. They don't stay small and cuddly. Of course I knew that, and I was excited for more than the baby part. I had watched my older two go through amazing stages, and they still have more to come. I wanted that again, with someone new. I wanted to know it was the last time so I could absorb every moment of it. I had been too busy pushing the older ones on to the next stage, too excited to see what came next. This time I wanted to savor every moment.

Wade wasn't sure. He is an only child. He struggled with how to give enough attention to the two kids we had, throwing another into the mix might be more than he could handle. And he grew up in a relatively calm household. Sophie and Max had reached the age of conflict, and fighting for no apparent reason. Wade would look at me while the two of them yelled at each other or tumbled to the ground pulling hair and kicking. "What do we do?" he would ask. "Just give them a minute," I would respond, remembering this from my brother and sister growing up, and sure enough within a few seconds they are back to playing nicely. There's a different energy level in a house that has more than one child. Wade wasn't used to that. However, at one point he did concede that even with a third, it couldn't possibly get any louder in our house. And of course, as the more financial minded of the two of us, he took into account how much a third would cost.

We mostly talked about all of this in little snippets. Or our points would be made in off-handed, snarky comments. When the kids were fighting Wade would say that the obvious solution was to "have another kid." I liked to point out how big the kids were getting and how cute their baby pictures were. After months, and really more like a couple of years, of not really talking about it, everything came to a head. I reached a point where if we were going to have another, I didn't want to wait any longer. And Wade, who I had told could just tell me if and when he was ever ready, started feeling the pressure to make a decision. So, we finally talked about it. Loudly. And for the first time we talked about the reasons we should or shouldn't have another baby. But really, what it came down to was the question: was our family complete?

Obviously, Wade lost the battle and Lily is here. He's totally on board now (and dancing around the kitchen like a lunatic trying to get her to smile -- bet you wish I had a video of that!). Neither one of us can imagine not having Lily in our family. But the road to that decision was a long one.

With Sophie in school every morning and Max in school three a week, I've been able to spend quite a bit time with just Lily. It's been amazing to watch her change from a sleepy newborn into a smiling, playful 8 month old. She's already covered a few milestones; rolling over, sitting on her own, first tooth. And now, the first sign of independence, she's crawling. I've been able to really enjoy her babyhood. But even so, it's going too fast.