The Whole Thing

On a walk last week my neighbor was describing a sandwich she had eaten a few days prior. It was chicken salad, with double melted cheese and dripping in a special mayo. I gained weight just listening to her. This isn't the first time she's talked about her feats in eating. Jimmy Johns, Chipotle and others have also made the list, and the story always ends with "and I ate the whole thing!" Did I mention that my neighbor is tiny? And if I didn't like her so much, I wouldn't like her at all!

When I was first getting to know Tina, I was training for my second Breast Cancer 3Day. I was in the best shape of my life at this point, but I remember standing in her kitchen, complaining that no matter how much I walked, my thighs never seemed to get any smaller. Tina commented that I had worked hard and should be more accepting of my body. Easy for you to say, I thought, In your skinny jeans with your skinny self. But as I've gotten to know Tina better, I have learned that she's not skinny because she starves herself, or because she spends all day working out at the gym. Like my thighs, it's just the way her body is.

Tina realizes how lucky she is. She knows that not everyone can eat like that and look like her (and, by the way, even Tina doesn't eat like all the time!). But I got to thinking that I'm pretty lucky, too. I have to pay close attention to what I eat in order to lose, or even maintain, weight. I know myself well enough to know that if I could eat anything I wanted with no apparent consequences, I absolutely would! Therefore, the majority of the time, I make healthy choices. And because eating anything causes me to gain weight, I have to work out regularly. Again, that makes me healthier than I would be otherwise.

Many years ago my brother injured his back in a skiing accident. He had physical therapy and learned many different exercises he needed to do in order to strengthen his back and keep it from going out and possibly causing permanent damage. He was young, and was bummed that he had these restrictions. I remember overhearing a conversation between Matt and my dad about being disciplined concerning the exercises Matt was reluctant to do. My dad explained that everyone needs to exercise to be healthy, but Matt had added incentive, which was a blessing! Most people who don't have to exercise, don't. And they are less healthy as a result. But Matt had more than just his general health at stake. If he didn't follow through with these exercises he would have serious consequences. I can't speak for my brother as to whether that conversation stuck with him all these years, but it stayed with me. I don't have back problems, but I have issues with my backside, and exercise definitely keeps it in check.

For years exercise was torture and I thought of healthy food as boring and no fun. Then, about four years ago, something changed. I made my workout into "me time" and I actually started looking forward to it each day. Instead of looking at food as entertainment I thought of it as fuel. Sure, I still like to indulge from time to time, but I know the consequences. And most surprisingly, I've found, when I put healthy food in my body, the bad stuff has less of a hold over me. Or, instead of eating the entire piece of chocolate cake, I am happy with just a bite or two.

But all of that is on a good day. I still have days, weeks, months, when I forget how much better I feel when eat right, and I give in to the temptation. I rarely miss my daily workout, but it's so easy to negate all that time and energy with one bad decision. When I was pregnant I let myself eat whatever, whenever, and that continued while I was nursing. That's all done now, and I'm paying the price. But I'm getting back on track and coming to the same conclusion I had before: I feel better on every level when I take care of my body.

As much as I would love to have Tina's metabolism, the fact is that I don't. But I do have the knowledge and power to make healthy choices. I suppose that will have to do.