Join the Club

My kids are always creating clubs.  Sometime it's a club with other neighborhood kids.  Or it's a club for my older two, leaving out my little one.  I usually butt in at that point and make them include her, but isn't that what clubs are all about?  You're either in or you're out.  My almost-fourth grader was in Student Council last year...which is kind of a club.  She was also in a book club, which is definitely a club (it's right there in the name!).  Once they reach middle school and high school there will be endless "club" options.  It struck me earlier today that clubs don't end with childhood.  As adults we might not call them "clubs" per se, but we all belong to some group or another

There's the Married Club.  Babies Club.  School-age kids Club.  College Graduate Club.  Oldest sibling club.  Youngest and middle sibling clubs, too.  Pet Owners.  Home Owners.  American Car Drivers.  There are clubs within clubs.  You're a Pet Owner, but do you have dogs or cats?  You're in the Married Club, but what month did you get married?  I'm in the "Married in October" club.  Those of you that were also married in October just thought Oh, me too! because now you know we're in that club together.  And that's just it, I think.  Clubs are about feeling apart of something.  Connecting.

Not all clubs are happy clubs.  There's the Divorced Club.  The Miscarriages Club. The Abuse Club.  Almost three years ago my husband joined the "Lost a Father" club.  A club he joined too early.  But we find comfort in these clubs, too.  When my father in law was dying, I was rushing to get to my husband, to be with him as he said goodbye to his dad.  I called to cancel a playdate my daughter had with her friend.  I had been friendly with this mom, we would chat for a while after setting up a playdate, but she wasn't one of my close friends.  She wasn't apart of my inner circle.  When I told her the situation, that I needed to get my kids to my parents and get myself to the hospital an hour and a half away, she swooped in to help.  Within minutes of getting off the phone she was at my door with a card and a hug.  She took my kids so I could get everyone packed without interruption.  She even offered to get them to my parents.  She told me later that a few years earlier her father had passed away.  She knew that Wade would need me, so she wanted to do everything she could to make sure I was with him.  That's what club members do.

Of course there is a reason I'm thinking about all of this.  Three nights ago, one of my closest friends stood with her fiancé as his mother died.  The funeral is tomorrow and their wedding will follow eight days later.  I haven't lost a parent, but I have stood by as my husband did.  I have held him as he sobbed, knowing there was nothing I could do or say that would lessen the pain.  I can't tell my friend the magic words to say (because there aren't any) or that the pain will end (because it won't).  But I can empathize.  I have been in her shoes.  I can listen and share and support.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that whether it's a club you're in by choice (I chose to be a SAHM) or one you're in by circumstance, we're never really alone.  We all need support, at times more than others.  And when we know there are people we can turn to when needed, it can make the happy times happier and the hard times slightly...less hard.  I guess all of the clubs my kids create and join are really just preparing them for the most challenging club of all.  Being an Adult.