Challenge

I'm challenging myself to write something every day.  For a month.  I'm nervous.  And excited.  And now, seeing it written out like that, a bit overwhelmed.

Maybe you've noticed that, once again, I haven't been writing.  Or maybe you haven't, and that's okay, too.  What's important is that I've noticed that I haven't been writing.  I think about writing.  And I want to be writing.  And it's not that I don't have the time.  I have been able to make the time in the past, so there's really no reason that I can't make the time now.  Nothing has changed.  Except that I don't write anymore.  I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately and I think I've figured out what's been keeping me from my blog.

It's you.

Well, more accurately, it's me worrying about you.  Worrying about what you're going to think.  About me.  About what I write.  If you'll like what I'm writing.  How I'm writing it.  If you'll think my ideas are dumb.  Boring.  Wrong.  Not funny.  Too serious.  I got too wrapped up in the image I was portraying.  And when I ran out of ways to portray myself the way I thought other people, you, wanted me to be, I stopped writing.

But the thing is that I started this blog for me.  I invited you to join me on my journey.  But somewhere along the way I let go of the wheel.  I started thinking too hard about where you wanted to go.  And I let the pressure get to me.  I let it get into my head.  It became about being "good enough."  I was trying too hard to entertain you rather than just write.  For me.  For fun.

I want it to be fun again.

So, I'm going to write every day for a month.  Well, every day for a while.  It might not always be good.  It might not always be entertaining.  It might not always be pretty.  I'm guessing many will be short.  Some will probably be fairly boring for people who don't live in my head.  And for that I apologize.  Actually, I take that back.  I'm done apologizing for what I write.