A month or so ago a mom in the neighborhood sent out the name and phone number of a babysitter she was using. I have sitters that I trust and that my kids know very well, so I never called this new recommendation. Thankfully. Earlier this week that mom warned us against ever having that babysitter around our children. She said it was the worst we could imagine. The sitter had touched her four-year-old daughter.
Something like this is every parent's nightmare. I have always been hyper aware, maybe too much so, when it comes to other people being around my children. I don't want to instill fear in my kids, but I want them to know that it's not okay for anyone, ever, to touch them inappropriately. And even more importantly, that we don't keep secrets from each other. I know that someday, as teenagers, my babies aren't going to tell me everything. But I believe this is the first step in letting them know that they can. And they aren't teens yet. At this point there is nothing they should be keeping from Wade and me.
I'll never forget when our pediatrician, during Sophie's regular well-check, had to put his hands just under the waistband of her underpants. Before he touched her he told her what he was going to do and then said, "The only reason this is okay is because your mommy is standing right here." I was so grateful that he had handled it that way. It didn't scare her or make her think she needed to be afraid, but it also clearly sent the message that someone touching her "there" was not normally acceptable.
I have had several conversations with Sophie and Max concerning "good touch and bad touch." I, like most parents, have heard to teach your children that no one should touch them where their bathing suit covers. Of course, I agree with that, but I have taken it a step further. I tell my kids that if anyone touches them and it makes them uncomfortable, they need to tell me. I figure, I can decide what's a good touch or a bad touch better then they can. For instance, if someone puts their hand on Sophie's inner thigh, I consider that a "bad touch" (this has never happened, I'm simply making a point). But her swimming suit doesn't cover her inner thigh, so by those rules it's a "good touch." I believe that kids know, instinctively, if something feels out of sync. I also believe that for the creep who is inappropriately touching a child, it's not always about where. So if my son comes to me and says his friend's dad touched his leg and it didn't feel right, I will trust that intuition with all of my being and Max would never be allowed near that man again (once more, this has never happened...and I pray, every time I send my kids to a friend's house, that it won't).
I tell my kids they should never be alone with an adult when they are at a friend's house. I tell them that I will never send someone they don't know to pick them up from school (or anywhere). I tell them if someone tries to take them, it's okay to hit and scream and bite and kick. Never approach someone in a car or a van. I tell my kids that their body is theirs and no one, NO ONE, should touch it in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable. From time to time, in a light-hearted way, I quiz my kids on what to do in certain situations. So far, they give me the right answers.
Unfortunately, the only way to know if I'm handling this in the right way is for one of my kids to come to me and tell me something has happened. So, obviously, I'm praying that all of my worry and preparation will be for naught. But I suppose the almost invisible silver lining for that mom in my neighborhood is that her daughter did tell her about that babysitter. Because if she hadn't, who knows how many kids around here would have fallen victim. Hooray for that brave four-year-old little girl. And kudos to the mom who taught her not to keep a secret.
No comments:
Post a Comment